"Take a breathe, I pull myself together. Just another step until I reach the door you'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you.
If you fall, stumble down, I'll pick you up off the ground. If you lose faith in you, I'll give you strength to pull through. Tell me you won't give up because you know I'll be there for you."
By far you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You helped me through all the times I thought were impossible to get through, but with your help I made it to where I am now. You honestly are unaware of how amazing you truly are. You possess the heart and soul of an extraordinary person who is an incredible best friend. It pains me, the way you cannot see the astounding person you really are. You're true self drowned in the toxicity of the atrociousness you consume. The feeling of knowing you're emotions right now are awful. The way you think of yourself, the way you act upon this rubbish is frightful. I love you with all my heart, seeing you like this is tearing me apart. You may be broken, but you are unaware that you are not beyond repair.
Relationships ruin friendships. In my past experience and those whose friendships I have witnessed being ruined, it is quite a big deal. You would look back and reminisce the days you would sit and talk about anything without the fear of your entire world of secrets being revealed to others, now not even a single glance is shared between the pair. Mornings filled with hugs and endless conversing turned into tension filled awkwardness and the debating whether to say the first 'hello' in weeks. Oh how love demolishes every bit of happiness in the most bitter of ways.
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now. I could use a dream or a genie, or a dream or a wish, to go back to a place much simpler than this. 'Cos after all the partying and smashing and crashing, and all the glitz and the glam and the fashion. And all the pandemonium and all the madness, there comes a time where you fade to the blackness."
Do you love me, like you used to?
Do you love me, because I love you.
I want things back, the way they were.
But who do you love more, me or her?
Yeah, you break me - break me down.
But I couldn't handle if you weren't around.
You also slowly, broke me apart.
But I didn't think, you would rip up my heart.
I go to sleep every night, with you stuck in my head.
And I really do wish you lay beside me,
But I didn't think you would leave me to die.
I truly thought you were my dream girl.
But now i've realised everything was a lie.
By Joshua Brancatisano(L)
When you've gotten used to something so much and it becomes like a routine, it's kind of hard to change the way things are when people go. When you think you've finally found someone that will stay and not leave you, something just pulls at the loose thread and everything unravels. Leaving you in a pile of mess for you to sort out. Once something is done, it's hard to take it back and you just have to deal with everything and the consequences which you are left with.
Confuse:
1. to put in disorder.
2. to mix up in ones mind.
3. to make puzzled.
So everyone gets the idea of what it means to be confused, but it seems to come more often to teenagers than anyone else in the world. Why? Because we can't be fucked making up our fucking minds. The only reason there is so much drama in our lives, is because everyone judges you on your change of decisions in your life. We're a fucked group of people, aren't we?
I fucking hate being confused -_-
12:12am
"Are you alright? And I want the truth."
"You want the truth?"
"Yes."
"No, I'm not alright. But one day I will be."
"You're fine. Everything will be okay."
*You think that because you don't know you're the reason.
If only thing sorted out themselves, we wouldn't have a million thoughts running through our innocent minds.
1. to put in disorder.
2. to mix up in ones mind.
3. to make puzzled.
So everyone gets the idea of what it means to be confused, but it seems to come more often to teenagers than anyone else in the world. Why? Because we can't be fucked making up our fucking minds. The only reason there is so much drama in our lives, is because everyone judges you on your change of decisions in your life. We're a fucked group of people, aren't we?
I fucking hate being confused -_-
12:12am
"Are you alright? And I want the truth."
"You want the truth?"
"Yes."
"No, I'm not alright. But one day I will be."
"You're fine. Everything will be okay."
*You think that because you don't know you're the reason.
If only thing sorted out themselves, we wouldn't have a million thoughts running through our innocent minds.
Every time we lie awake, after every hit we take. Every feeling that I get, but I haven't missed you yet. Every roommate kept awake by every silent scream we make. All the feelings that I get, but I still don’t miss you yet. Only when I stop to think about it.
I hate everything about you, why do I love you. I hate everything about you, why do I love you.
3rd of April,2010 3:39pm
"Even though the world she loved, it won't ever be the way it was and his heart is stone, her laughter's breaking. Every night she cries, he dies a little more each time."
You're not the person you once were. You didn't have a care in the world, nothing could upset you and no one could get you down or angry. Then she came waltzing into your life like a pansy. Like a little doll, charming her way into your mind. Then she shat all over your brain and turned you into moosh. You're angry, you care what she thinks. Yeah, the one that has been with your mate. And your other mate. Oh, and that one too. What a lovely soul sucking soul she is. Just a heads up, you're not the same person you used to be, and it's upsetting she changed the boy you were, to what you are now.
I miss you.
You're not the person you once were. You didn't have a care in the world, nothing could upset you and no one could get you down or angry. Then she came waltzing into your life like a pansy. Like a little doll, charming her way into your mind. Then she shat all over your brain and turned you into moosh. You're angry, you care what she thinks. Yeah, the one that has been with your mate. And your other mate. Oh, and that one too. What a lovely soul sucking soul she is. Just a heads up, you're not the same person you used to be, and it's upsetting she changed the boy you were, to what you are now.
I miss you.
2nd of April,2010 3:35pm
Today's just another step towards tomorrow. If it is an enjoyable step or not, is an entirely different story. Today was one of those days you just sit at home, nothing to do and everyone just seems to hate you. You notice all the bad things in your life, and all the problems that are occurring or are about to occur. Your parents just don't understand or want to listen, you're best friends mind is just being controlled by a slut, he just hates you because you hate her, your siblings insult you to the worst they can come up with and even the animals give you a bitchface. And then there's the part where you get grounded for the fourth time that week. And the week hasn't even finished. Lovely -_-
Thanks to Vanessah, I've decided to make a list of things that make me, me :)
1. I listen to various genres of music without a care of what people think about it.
2. I am stubborn.
3. I met an asshole who made me more aware of who actually surrounds me.
4. I am close with my mother
5. I express what I think or feel in music.
6. I don't actually believe in God and shit all that much.
7. I love to blog.
8. I think big.
9. I love animals.
10. I'm not a rude person, but if you insult me, I won't sit there and take it.
11. I am a night person, definitely not a morning person.
12. I like to make lists.
13. I have the attention span of a toddler.
14. I hate the thought of what other people are thinking yet I don't care.
15. I have fallen in love at a young age.
16. I cry in movies. A lot.
17. I pierced my lip and ear myself, it made me proud.
18. I drum.
19. I LOVE to dance.
20. I LOVE music.
21. I had an over obsession with the Spice Girls until I was 7.
22. I understand everyone's situations.
23. I like being independent.
24. I believe drama makes life interesting.
25. I keep secrets, which is more than a lot of people can say.
26. Torquay and Queensland are my favourite places in the world.
27. I cannot go a week without writing.
28. I love English and am a nerd at spelling.
29. I cry when I see others cry.
30. I am not stick thin and I kind of like it.
2. I am stubborn.
3. I met an asshole who made me more aware of who actually surrounds me.
4. I am close with my mother
5. I express what I think or feel in music.
6. I don't actually believe in God and shit all that much.
7. I love to blog.
8. I think big.
9. I love animals.
10. I'm not a rude person, but if you insult me, I won't sit there and take it.
11. I am a night person, definitely not a morning person.
12. I like to make lists.
13. I have the attention span of a toddler.
14. I hate the thought of what other people are thinking yet I don't care.
15. I have fallen in love at a young age.
16. I cry in movies. A lot.
17. I pierced my lip and ear myself, it made me proud.
18. I drum.
19. I LOVE to dance.
20. I LOVE music.
21. I had an over obsession with the Spice Girls until I was 7.
22. I understand everyone's situations.
23. I like being independent.
24. I believe drama makes life interesting.
25. I keep secrets, which is more than a lot of people can say.
26. Torquay and Queensland are my favourite places in the world.
27. I cannot go a week without writing.
28. I love English and am a nerd at spelling.
29. I cry when I see others cry.
30. I am not stick thin and I kind of like it.
29th of March,2010 11:39pm
"It's too late to cry, too broken to move on. And still I can't let you be, most nights I hardly sleep; Don't take what you don't need from me. It's just a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather; I was praying that you and me might end up together."
It's funny how just one song could bring you to tears, just thinking about the way things used to be. A small period of time in your life could influence your emotions so much, and you didn't even realise it at the time. The nights you spend rolling through the reminiscences, listening to the overpowering music that control your sentiments and the images in your imagination of the days you spent together, not perceiving anyone or anything surrounding. Face it; you weren't ready for this, you were unaware how quickly it would all end and cause your entire world and emotional wellbeing to come crashing down.
The adolescents' ability to love is exceedingly underestimated.
It's funny how just one song could bring you to tears, just thinking about the way things used to be. A small period of time in your life could influence your emotions so much, and you didn't even realise it at the time. The nights you spend rolling through the reminiscences, listening to the overpowering music that control your sentiments and the images in your imagination of the days you spent together, not perceiving anyone or anything surrounding. Face it; you weren't ready for this, you were unaware how quickly it would all end and cause your entire world and emotional wellbeing to come crashing down.
The adolescents' ability to love is exceedingly underestimated.
2th of March,2010 7:02pm
I woudgve anything to make contact with my drumming teacher so I could actually GET the sheet of music I was supposed to practise with -______________-
26th of March,2010 9:48pm
This year has brought me to become something I never thought I would be. I just don't see the preppy I was inside me. I don't see the little four year old girl who'd run to her daddy with a big smile on her face. All I see is something I hate. Yes, I admit, I hate myself. I hate the so called "young adult" I am. The teenage girl who couldn't give two fucks, yet is so self conscious of everything everyone could ever think of her. The teenage girl who can't be fucked with the work she does, yet is stressed over her marks. The Ariana that wants to listen to everything her parents tell her, yet just goes with the flow and doesn't really ay attention at that moment. If the things that have been done are so bad, why did I do it?
I don't understand how everything could change without me even realising it. Everything that occurs seems so minor at the time, although if you look at the bigger picture, have life long consequences. I look at my life now and see a sad and unhappy girl who has no idea what the hell is going on. One day I will look at the bigger picture and see my future, and smile. Because one day, I will be free. I will be happy.
I don't understand how everything could change without me even realising it. Everything that occurs seems so minor at the time, although if you look at the bigger picture, have life long consequences. I look at my life now and see a sad and unhappy girl who has no idea what the hell is going on. One day I will look at the bigger picture and see my future, and smile. Because one day, I will be free. I will be happy.
26th of March,2010 9:34pm
Ok, so I'm meant to be starting some "Optimistic outlook on life" and to be "happy" all the
time and just not give a flying shit about what anything anyone says, or what goes on in life. I was supposed to make this year the most joyous of my school years, It was the year I have looked forward to for the last four years at my time at this stupid school. Now I realise, I shouldn't have spent that time wishing for this year to come, because now that it finally has, I wish I was back in Middle School. I wish I was back to that little chubby year five kid who didn't actually take the time to consider what the hell other people thought of me. I just didn't have a care in the world, and everything was just exceedingly easier.
time and just not give a flying shit about what anything anyone says, or what goes on in life. I was supposed to make this year the most joyous of my school years, It was the year I have looked forward to for the last four years at my time at this stupid school. Now I realise, I shouldn't have spent that time wishing for this year to come, because now that it finally has, I wish I was back in Middle School. I wish I was back to that little chubby year five kid who didn't actually take the time to consider what the hell other people thought of me. I just didn't have a care in the world, and everything was just exceedingly easier.
24th of March,2010 10:03pm
Why do we women take every little detail into consideration? It's as if our minds register every tiny thing a man says or does, and processes it through our brains, trying to figure out what it all means. We always know we're never going to end up knowing, but we do it anyway. Why? It makes everything interesting. Us females tend to over think everything and try a lot, where as men just go in for it and hope for the best. If we did not take notice of everything, where would the arguments that lead to make up dates go? And even more importantly, where would the tension and fights that have excitement and fun in them go? Whilst we all figure and believe men are from Mars, I could not see why they couldn't think the same thing seeing as both groups are polar opposites of each other. It may sound bad, saying arguing is good but let's face it, relationships aren't healthy or enjoyable without the little bumps in the road along the way. Congratulations ladies, our worrying and 'important situations' which mean nothing after a day contribute to the wonderful times in a couples relationship! Sawweeeeeeeeeeeeet(:
20th of March,2010 5:30am
Some times in my life, I feel like everything just fits together. Other times I feel as if everything wants to go it's own way and tries to drag the tiny bits that makeup my life into separate directions. When everything fits together, I don't have any stress. I don't care about a single thing in the world, nothing really matters. When everything is torn, it's like nothing goes right. I am missing something at that moment, my head is spinning and I crave something I shouldn't. Yesterday everything fit, I was peaceful, I loved it. Today, I'm a mess. Nothing makes sense and no one is a friend. These are the times I wish I didn't have to experience. I just wish everything would go dark and there would be loud music while I play my drums and no one would come to bother me, just until I can see the bright side where everything fits.
Another random day,2010 Another random time
My body was rushing with exhileration. I could feel every molecule in my body filling with confusion. My thoughts were going left right and centre, I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I think you just make life easier, other times it's like you're stopping me from doing things I want to. Like you hold me back in some ways. I am a bitch for thinking it at some points, but I can't help it, it's true. Why can't things just go back to the way it was before, where everything sorted itself out and nothing was hard. No one expected anyone to be at a certain level and you didn't have to care about what others think.
Some random day,2010 Some random time.
Well I haven't blogged properly in a while, I feel kind of ashamed about that. So my apparant 'lovelife' as they call it has actually gone up. I am happily coupled off with my polar opposite whom I very much love. I can't say that we're IN love as we probably still have no idea what that's like, but i do love Liam. And as far as i'm concerned, IN love and loving someone are two very different things, don't judge me. The same asshole i've hated for a while now is still the same assholey person and I don't see us being friends ever again. My schooling is somewhat surviving, no thanks to my inability to solve uneeded maths questions. My family is still the same, a house full of stubborn wogs. Then theres Gertrude and Biff. How i love the two combined, I could never live without them. It would be like Nandos without Peri-Peri sauce! LOVE IT!
17th of March,2010 8:07pm
I hate the fact that everwhere I look, each and every couple is perfect. They're standing there together, hugging, kissing, talking, communicating. I feel like an idiot, the way I have to look for you, yet can't find you. I wish I didn't have to lie when everyone asked how we are. I just wish youaced the way you did tat night. You weren't shy or embarrassed or anything. It elt right. I want that feeling to come back again, the only thing is, i'm scared it won't...
13th of March,2010 11:55am
I would firstly love to say;
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BONA EATER!
Yes, I know, I love her to hell and back and we wil probably end up there, but hey, it's all fun while it lasts ;)
So I have kind of gotten off the whole writing depressiveness and stuff. I just can't be fucked dealing with peoples shit anymore. The more yout try, the less further you get. I am now watching the jumping castle people putting up some disney thing in my backyard and have decided to go for my second shower this morning. Yes, I am eating twisties.
10th of March,2010 5:44pm
Is it too much to ask for things never to change?
Is it too much to ask for complete and utter loudness and for it to never be silent again?
Sometimes I just need to sit in suffering for a bit whilst things sort themselves out. I never wantedfor us to be awkward, but it's reached that stage. In my imagination, the most perfect situation was placed, but thats only in my mind. For now I must settle for reality.
And that never goes according to plan.
Is it too much to ask for complete and utter loudness and for it to never be silent again?
Sometimes I just need to sit in suffering for a bit whilst things sort themselves out. I never wantedfor us to be awkward, but it's reached that stage. In my imagination, the most perfect situation was placed, but thats only in my mind. For now I must settle for reality.
And that never goes according to plan.
9:41m
Ok so I may be stressed out about school work, but i'm really pumped. I only have one more chapter of drumming to go and I start on major songs, my face is clearing up, my parents have stopped constantly fighting, I have no boyfriend problems and I am not currently fighting with any of my friends. Sitting under my kitchen bench is such a dandy thing. And Megan iloshis is such a groovalicious soul!
4th of March,2010 6:59pm
So what do you do when three of your closest friends are the most miserable they've ever been, it's all got to do with boys and you haven't started a project that's due tomorrow?
I tell you what you do; Sit in a shower and die.
I tell you what you do; Sit in a shower and die.
22nd of February,2010 7:57pm
Things that highly piss me off:
When my friends aren't friends with my other friends.
When my sister seems to love to speak FOR me.
When someone adopts the dog I want.
When people want to jump your boyfriend for no reason.
When guys act like total dickheaded perves.
When sluts act like snobs.
When my ister blames shit on me.
When people speak too quietly.
When theres nothing to do.
When I have to do any form of maths.
When I get grounded.
When I get my phone taken off me.
When my internet lags.
When theres no food.
When there are no good new songs to be had on itunes.
When people spread false rumours about me.
That my annoyance list would be ten times bigger than my happy list.
When my friends aren't friends with my other friends.
When my sister seems to love to speak FOR me.
When someone adopts the dog I want.
When people want to jump your boyfriend for no reason.
When guys act like total dickheaded perves.
When sluts act like snobs.
When my ister blames shit on me.
When people speak too quietly.
When theres nothing to do.
When I have to do any form of maths.
When I get grounded.
When I get my phone taken off me.
When my internet lags.
When theres no food.
When there are no good new songs to be had on itunes.
When people spread false rumours about me.
That my annoyance list would be ten times bigger than my happy list.
21st of February,2010 2:07pm
So last night was half eventful, half so effing boring. I was more than happy to have by my side, my best friend, who has been quite strong in the past 24 hours. To know that she'd be willing to come out with me after something that big, was quite heartwarming. I must make it up to her one day. Though i'm pretty sure she enjoyed herself, and just being there in the bed crying and comforting eachother, it's as if she was my family. Having Liam there was one of the best highlights of the night, along with the girls, but I hadn't really felt comfortable being just bleh with anyone else before, I love it! The only thing I hated about last night, was pathetic lying pigs who ruin peoples lives and make up rumours about everyone and spreading them to every Tom, Dick and Harry that passes them by. Oh how lovely it would feel to run you over with a Mack truck :)
20th of February,2010 10:58m
I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't sleep while I new my best friend was two or so klometres away from me crying her eyes out. I needn't call her to know what she was doing, I knew exactly what was going through her mind. I can't stand being not able to help her while she's going through the pain I once went through a long time ago. The one most beautiful and strongest girl in the word that I know of, and she had to be left like this. I don't understand why she was the one being treated like this, why she had to feel that kind of pain. She had done nothing to deserve this. As I sit here eating my CocoPops O's, I know that she was one of the only couple of girls in the world who deserve the best. And she will get it, I swear that.
18th of February,2010 5:28pm
Being the nice person gets you no where.
NoteToSelf; Never try it again.
Fuckyoubitch.
NoteToSelf; Never try it again.
Fuckyoubitch.
17th of February,2010 5:03pm
Oh how I love the fact that when you say you don't care, you basically just make all your spare time a session to talk about me to every Tom, Dick and Harry that passes you by. Your pathetic. Making up lies about me only wastes everyone else's time and shows that your a little coward. You think you own the place with your hat to the side and the way you strut like a fuckwit, you only look like a dick. I'm utterly sorry that you have to live as you, because I probably would have died if I had to live as you, even for a day. Maybe if you lash out at your face with scissors it might make you look better. Also the terminology of "lashing" is slicing at someone with a sharp object. Get your english right you dickmotherfucker(:
I've also realised that you absolutely cannot rely on anyone else to stick up for you. Your best friend, your boyfriend, not even your family. You're stuck on you own, and when worst comes to worst, no ones gunna have your back. By the time you wait for someone to stick up for you, you'd have died of old age. I realised I waste my time waiting for you to stand up for me, I may as well just sit and watch grass grow. I've noticed I must do everything on my own, no matter how much you say you're there for me, when it really matters, no one is there at all.
I've also realised that you absolutely cannot rely on anyone else to stick up for you. Your best friend, your boyfriend, not even your family. You're stuck on you own, and when worst comes to worst, no ones gunna have your back. By the time you wait for someone to stick up for you, you'd have died of old age. I realised I waste my time waiting for you to stand up for me, I may as well just sit and watch grass grow. I've noticed I must do everything on my own, no matter how much you say you're there for me, when it really matters, no one is there at all.
14th of February,2010 10:44pm
Well my weekend plans are officially ruined. Next time I decide to do something stupid, someone slap me or something? Well, technically piercing your ear in cartilage is not stupid, it’s just against what my parents said. “No more piercings until your sixteen, no wait, eighteen.” “But mum, you said sixteen first!” “I don’t care.” Seriously, what has another hole in my ear got to do with going out on the weekend? How does it affect anyone? Obviously parents love to make children miserable while they “learn their lesson”. It’s like hitting your dog because they took a shit on your neighbours’ front lawn. They’re going to do it again, so why bother punishing them? So now, I can’t see Liam on the weekend or see Chloe for a whole fucking two weeks now. I thought during the week was enough but no, they have o add another week onto it. My mission this week; convince parents to let me out on Sunday to see Liam, Chloe and Brent. As well as try and figure out this stupid maths questions by tomorrow. Well I’ll be fucked!
13th of February,2010 11:57pm
Time slows down whenever you’re around. Can you feel this magic in the air? It must’ve been the way you kissed me. I fell in love when I saw you standing there; it must’ve been the way today was a fairytale.It may have taken a while for you to feel open and comfortable in those red chairs, and the movie we picked may not have been scary like we wanted it to be, or good at all for that matter. And the arm rest may have left a permanent dent in my ribs from leaning over it far too much, But Just sitting there in your arms, squished and all, it felt like the best moment in my life. Feeling your body against mine, your head laying on mine and your lips gently kissing my forehead every so often was enough to send me on top of the world. It just felt so perfect! The beat of your heart booming in my ears as I fall half asleep, with your fingers stroking mine was amazingly epic. I think I over estimated the rest of them, you were the perfect one all along; we just hit a bump along the road.
12:32am
So after about a week of begging and a whole kaffaffle of planning, I have convinced my parents to get me off my apparant "grounding" and to let me out for my first annual Valentines day tradition. The whole catch is that it is on the 13th, not the 14th. Myself, Liam, Chlo and her loverboy Brent, who I shall meet tomorrow along with the rest of the gang, will all be at her house, go watch the Edge of Darkness and then go chill back at hers. Shall be fun :D
I am PUMPED!
I am PUMPED!
13th of February,2010 12:26am
He may not be perfect to you all, but he is to me. His culture might not be European, and he's tall compared to you all. He may be ever so shy compared to me, and we may not look like the perfect couple. But you can all go suck my dick, because the you all think he looks does not concern me whatsoever because he is all that and much more in my eyes :)
8:10pm
Whats your excuse this time? "Getting him back for what he did to you"? Yet everything he wants, he gets. and its still not enough is it? It’s from one girl to another. And at the end of the day he comes back to you. Why? Because he cares? No chance. Because what he didn’t get off them he knows he can get it off you. Why do you keep letting it happen? Stupidity, Ignorance, all of the above? You keep trying to convince yourself that you don’t care and there are absolutely no feelings. So you keep telling yourself over and over again. And even if there’s not, it still hurts to know you’re being used. You know this isn’t right, but you keep going back, why? Because you enjoy the ride and its good while it lasts? Do you like the feeling of being used? You were falling again, you said you wouldn’t, but you knew it would come back to this. It’s not like you can tell him though. Remember that little speech how there’s "no strings attached". You like being around him though, the way he makes you laugh and how he’s yours and you’re his, just for that night. When he holds you and you think "everything’s going to be all right" but after all that, you feel worthless, you feel like nothing. You know better and you just cry. But you brought it upon yourself. And there’s nothing you can do, you just keep going back. And it all comes down to the fact that you loved him. But that's all changed now. It's over. It's done. You're free.
4:00pm
I am a stubborn bitch. I should really try getting along with my parents more often. First step; apologise to mummy dearest. Also a note to self; do not put newly pierced ear on show to parents, may skits :/
I miss Liam :(
12:53pm
More things on my list of things I've done today is make up with my dear daddy, who I do love very much despite our differences that we've had, play two hours of drum beats, run half an hour on the treadmill and watch sex in the city and half of the Osborne's marathon while I drank two more cups of coffee. God I am so sad.
8th of February,2010 9:37am
Wheres Daniel Sox? Wheres Daniel?! Yes I know, it's kind of weird that my cat gets all excited at the mention of my best friend, but hey, so do I. As I sit here, I really wanted my biff here, I missed him so much, but he was at school, like the rest of everyone. I was extremely pumped and excited to get to school, not usually like me at all, but then when I hit a bump in the road, my happy mood had vanished and just as I thought everything was going at its best, it went back down to the bottom. What's bad is that I'm not allowed out for a while now. What's worse is that I'm not on good terms with either of my parents. You may think it's not a big deal, and neither did I, until it turned out that it kinda sucked ass. Big time. So that leaves me here, home alone almost all day, finishing my once in a blue moon smoke, looking at my half finished long awaited breakfast, drinking my fourth cup of coffee, making grilled cheese bread slices and watching the big bang theory. I feel like chicken... Fuck My Life :\
This is my Hundredth Post.
I found it absolutely hilarious!
Bonita, said:
aww
:
wow.
and yours is...
not the solider oh noot the solider
-arianalovesliam<3 said:
The Cowgirl
THE SOLDIER?
whats that:
*
Bonita, says:
*ROFLLL
*LIKE OK
* hear we go
*= person
* "humps" *humps
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*huh?
*LOL
*theres four people?
Bonita, says:
*NOOOOOOOO
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*all bumraping eachother?
Bonita, says:
*ROFL
*IM UST REPEATING
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*LOL OHH
Bonita, says:
*OMG ITS JUST THE NORMAL WAY -.-
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*LMFAOO
I found it absolutely hilarious!
Bonita, said:
aww
:
wow.
and yours is...
not the solider oh noot the solider
-arianalovesliam<3 said:
The Cowgirl
THE SOLDIER?
whats that:
*
Bonita, says:
*ROFLLL
*LIKE OK
* hear we go
*= person
* "humps" *humps
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*huh?
*LOL
*theres four people?
Bonita, says:
*NOOOOOOOO
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*all bumraping eachother?
Bonita, says:
*ROFL
*IM UST REPEATING
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*LOL OHH
Bonita, says:
*OMG ITS JUST THE NORMAL WAY -.-
-arianalovesliam<3 says:
*LMFAOO
6th of February,2010 2:06pm
This morning at twelve A.M was probably the most excited I will ever be this whole weekend. Yet it is still carrying on ad I don't think ever disappearing. The only thing freaking me ot now, is I cannot wait for schol to start on Monday again : I know, shocker. I am now watching Sex and the City and eating grilled cheese on bread. I AM A HAPPY CHAPPY!!! :D finally :)
5th f February,2010 5:35pm
School is officially awesome and I love it. I know, it's kinda gay but being in Canowindra gives me something different than in Middle School. Everyone is more laid back and it's all chilled. Oh how he makes my bottle go boom! :
6:45pm
I am highly surprised at myself. I realise that I actually enjoy school now. Thank god for dramatic change and bringing keilor people over to taylors lakes. And the changing of maths teachers and uniforms. Canowindra, you owraiiiighhttt :)
4th of February,2010 6:01pm
Congratulations, everytime you walk past me, my bottle thumps at a fast pace. Everytime you look at me it ges at a faster pace. When you go in for that cheek kiss hello and goodbye, you look like your going straight for me, but it always turns into side action... That makes my heart go it's fastest and then stop when your lips touch my skin. Good on you for having me incontrolable!
3rd of February,2010 8:28pm
So I am officially cured over this bullshit. I never knew how one person could turn someones worst days around. It may be quick, but I think I like it! :)
Sometime on the 2nd of February,2010
You obviously don’t care. I didn’t expect you to anyway. None of them ever did in these circumstances. I didn’t know it would be so soon though. School had just started and I thought this year would bring out the best in me. Let’s just say I'm not off to such a great start. I'm sitting here just watching my television program, somehow relating everything that happens to us. But I can cope with it. I may have been the biggest mess in the world last night, but tonight is a different story. I'm strong. I will not cower before you and show you the pain I feel. This time I will push it away, it will not affect me the way it did before. I'm over the bullshit you all put me through. Not just you, the immature little boys before yourself too. You’re over it all, I'm over the pathetic-ness of it all. I don’t want anymore drama, I didn’t want you out of my life, but I don’t think there is any other way for me to get over the facts you killed the last living cells in my heart. Wow, skins looks ever so inviting with that delicious looking male figure on the screen! All the good ones are always on the big screen. Stupid life… Smoke and corn thins anyone?
2nd of February,2010 12:01am
My tears have all dried up. My eyes are empty, there are no more tears to cry. My heart barely beats, waiting for you to come back.
11:55pm
Mayday Parade playing full blast in my ears while my tears kept coming, my mind went back to Friday the 29th of January. Our last kiss at the side of my red brick house. The last kiss where Bonita and Jason had to pull us away from each other. The last words I spoke to you 'I love you' echoed in my head. Your voice replayed as you yelled how you loved me too.
'The first kiss stole the breathe from my lips, why did the last one tear us apart?'
'The first kiss stole the breathe from my lips, why did the last one tear us apart?'
1st of Febrary,2010 11:17pm
You're gone. I don't know what to do with myself. I thought we'd be together forever and nothing would come between us. You said you'd never leave me, yet you've left me in a mess to drown in my own tears. So when the next one comes along, tell me how she feels while she's on your lips. Tell me, will she be like me? Or will she be better? Will she ever compare? Or will I be the forgotten one, never to be spoken of again, never to be in your fondest memories? "Go to bed, go to sleep, no music, just sleep you have school tomorrow!" I can't sleep. I have to listen to my music and I cannot bare the thought of attending school tomorrow. How could anyone sleep when you just lost the person you love. How can you shut your eyes for more than a second when you know the one your most fondest of doesn't care, that they do not love you like they once did. Obviously my parents did not understand that a fourteen year old can feel the same, if so more, pain of heartbreak as an adult can. My entire pillow damped and soaked from endless amount of tears swallows up yet another downfall of leakage from my eyes, Mayday Parade playing while I look at the photos we had. I wonder if i'm off your wall yet? The wall you woke up to and fell asleep to. The moon wasn't visible tonight, I guess the moon fell down tonight, but you still didn't love me. Just to let you know, you still have my heart and I don't know how i'm surviving without you to care for it.
1st of February,2010 11:11pm
I wish for you. I wish for you to love me the way you once said you did. I wish for you to have meant it. I wish for you to say it again. I wish you were here. I wish you didn't let me go. I wish I didn't let you let me go. I wish things were back to the way they were. I wish it were back to being perfect, the way everyone thought it was. The way I believed it was.
ILY MAYDAYPARADE(L)
So sleep alone tonight. With no one here just by your side, sleep alone tonight.
How does she feel, how does she kiss?
How does she taste while she's on your lips?
How does she feel, how does she kiss?
How does she taste while she's on your lips?
Friday, I'm In Love.
Friday, 29th of January,2010 11:58pm
So today was quite extraordinary. My mother and father told me I was not allowed out he last couple of days of the holidays, but everything that they said seemed to have flown out the front door. Two days ago, I saw my baby boy, Mitch, my big brother Jason and the hard cunt Steven with Bonita. I ended up staying out till 9pm. Which, if you knew my parents, would never be allowed? I don’t know what the exception was this time, but I liked it. Yesterday I met up with the biff, Daniel, My “Middle” brother, Taylor, and a third of Gertrude, Bonita at McDonalds. We then walked to the oval and met up with Jase, Steven and Mitch. This would usually be a bit too far for my parents liking, but my mother was more than happy to drop me off and allow me to walk with a whole bunch of boys and a third of Gertrude? I didn’t know what had gotten into my parents, but they seemed to let me have a little more responsibility these holidays than I usually would have been allowed. But hey, I am definitely not complaining. Now I need to take a long awaited poo and foodage so I will continue this in a bit.
Saturday 30th of January,2010 12:31am
Carrying on from where I left off, I like the fact my parents trust me more, I fell oh so adult-ish! So after our little walk though Sydenham, again to my surprise, my house was filled with a lot of boys… That my mother was ecstatic about? She didn’t mind the company, especially finding the sons she never had, Jason and Taylor. T’was a lol and a half. She left for her work and we remained out back for a smoke. I don’t really know what else to write, but almost the perfect afternoon. If only another third of Gertrude, Nessah, and my babe Megan were there, it would have THEN been perfect. Jason and Mitch and Steven had to leave, so we all migrated out to the front and walked along the side. Saying goodbye a kaffaffle came about and lead to around, 378487864327469768 kisses goodbye between me and my boy, a car beep, a country word from an old man, and a signal from another person, a few random ass photos which I did not know people took and me and Mitch having green cheeks. Don’t ask. Us remaining four went back inside and then recorded a random ass twenty minute video, which will be posted soon, hopefully, my cord works. We then went backyardage and took photos, which failed the first time, half because I had it on zoom and the other halfy because it was on video, not on camera. Another video was made, of Daniel getting anus raped by my dog. Again, the video of those to be posted shortly if cord works. After a while we went outside the front so Bonita’s parents could pick her up. After that Taylor, Daniel and I went inside, to lead to a fight between me and Taylor as he had the idea of taking a photo of me in my very much so youngie days. Not good, as I failed. Bu everything must end properly, so the boys left. The day was quite a good day, and maybe not that funny/fun to you reading, but you kind of had to be there to see the effect we have on each others existence. It’s quite horrible.
So today was quite extraordinary. My mother and father told me I was not allowed out he last couple of days of the holidays, but everything that they said seemed to have flown out the front door. Two days ago, I saw my baby boy, Mitch, my big brother Jason and the hard cunt Steven with Bonita. I ended up staying out till 9pm. Which, if you knew my parents, would never be allowed? I don’t know what the exception was this time, but I liked it. Yesterday I met up with the biff, Daniel, My “Middle” brother, Taylor, and a third of Gertrude, Bonita at McDonalds. We then walked to the oval and met up with Jase, Steven and Mitch. This would usually be a bit too far for my parents liking, but my mother was more than happy to drop me off and allow me to walk with a whole bunch of boys and a third of Gertrude? I didn’t know what had gotten into my parents, but they seemed to let me have a little more responsibility these holidays than I usually would have been allowed. But hey, I am definitely not complaining. Now I need to take a long awaited poo and foodage so I will continue this in a bit.
Saturday 30th of January,2010 12:31am
Carrying on from where I left off, I like the fact my parents trust me more, I fell oh so adult-ish! So after our little walk though Sydenham, again to my surprise, my house was filled with a lot of boys… That my mother was ecstatic about? She didn’t mind the company, especially finding the sons she never had, Jason and Taylor. T’was a lol and a half. She left for her work and we remained out back for a smoke. I don’t really know what else to write, but almost the perfect afternoon. If only another third of Gertrude, Nessah, and my babe Megan were there, it would have THEN been perfect. Jason and Mitch and Steven had to leave, so we all migrated out to the front and walked along the side. Saying goodbye a kaffaffle came about and lead to around, 378487864327469768 kisses goodbye between me and my boy, a car beep, a country word from an old man, and a signal from another person, a few random ass photos which I did not know people took and me and Mitch having green cheeks. Don’t ask. Us remaining four went back inside and then recorded a random ass twenty minute video, which will be posted soon, hopefully, my cord works. We then went backyardage and took photos, which failed the first time, half because I had it on zoom and the other halfy because it was on video, not on camera. Another video was made, of Daniel getting anus raped by my dog. Again, the video of those to be posted shortly if cord works. After a while we went outside the front so Bonita’s parents could pick her up. After that Taylor, Daniel and I went inside, to lead to a fight between me and Taylor as he had the idea of taking a photo of me in my very much so youngie days. Not good, as I failed. Bu everything must end properly, so the boys left. The day was quite a good day, and maybe not that funny/fun to you reading, but you kind of had to be there to see the effect we have on each others existence. It’s quite horrible.
27th of Janary,2010 9:28pm
You get defensive over nothing. You find the most normal things about me weird. You piss me off over the fact about how you just don't get it. We disagree constantly. Sometimes we just don't feel like talking to eachother. So how do I love you so fucking much? I don't care about what other people say, you're irresistable to me. I can't help but be drawn to you. Even if you make me so angry, you always seem to be the one to brighten me up. Why do you have these such manipulative powers that do't even feel manipulative, they just make me love you even more. Sighs.....
Last Day At Torquay; The Place I'd Rather Be.
9:42am
Ok so Bella wakes me up, at like, eight in the morning, and im so tired from being up till four that I fail to fully wake. I make my mother and father get me an extra strong latte for the last time from the Cafe across the road so I can acutally see. We take yonks to re pack the car, and I say goodbye to the temporary neighbours. I didn't want to leave. I try convincing my parents to contemplate on moving up here. Their response? "We'll think about it". Downer mood already. I fall aseep in the overpacked car, with my comfy pillow under my head, aviators on eyes, and oily messy hair in bun. Good thing I did though, according to mother the car conversation was about Goats and Cows and apparantly "Piss".... Beer or whatever. When we got home, I unpack and go get the dogs. God how I missed their barking! All trip long I istened to some little mutt a door down. So anyways, bottom line is, I love it up there, and hate it down here... My solution? MOVE TO TORQUAY!!! haha... I wish ><
9:42am
Ok so Bella wakes me up, at like, eight in the morning, and im so tired from being up till four that I fail to fully wake. I make my mother and father get me an extra strong latte for the last time from the Cafe across the road so I can acutally see. We take yonks to re pack the car, and I say goodbye to the temporary neighbours. I didn't want to leave. I try convincing my parents to contemplate on moving up here. Their response? "We'll think about it". Downer mood already. I fall aseep in the overpacked car, with my comfy pillow under my head, aviators on eyes, and oily messy hair in bun. Good thing I did though, according to mother the car conversation was about Goats and Cows and apparantly "Piss".... Beer or whatever. When we got home, I unpack and go get the dogs. God how I missed their barking! All trip long I istened to some little mutt a door down. So anyways, bottom line is, I love it up there, and hate it down here... My solution? MOVE TO TORQUAY!!! haha... I wish ><
Third Day At Torquay; The Place I'd Rather Be.
10:27am
This morning I didn’t wake up at my usual time. I seem to wake up earlier near the beach, not just at Torquay, but in Robina, Runaway Bay, Surfer’s Paradise, Phillip Island. I suppose I'm just more of the beach person, I mean the rest of my family gauges my eyes out to try and get me up back at home, yet here, they fail to get out of bed before ten and I'm up at seven. So this morning I meet Trent, also known as “Trennybear” down at the beach to find him doing footy drills. Yes, that is normal behaviour for him. I love how he can find something football related anywhere he goes, me however, I'm still a lost child, I need to find what I love, I thought I found dancing, but I suppose I was wrong. Even though I love it to death, it will just have to leave me. We go for our morning swim, and after that we get up on the sand to find my mother waiting; I guess she loves the beach too, I can’t lie, she was the second one up this morning after all. As we dry off, a retriever pup and his owner come walking towards us, as expected it runs up to play. It’s funny how it can just stop to say hi to everyone and not be bothered about wether or not the person will hurt it. But of course I guess it can sense wether it is liked or not. After saying goodbye and getting my latte I come back home to find the lazy one on the couch, eating junk food at ten in the morning. It sickened me quite a bit to see that’s how we were at home. I have to admit though, I haven’t eaten a full Macca’s meal in a while, and I’m quite thrilled about that. So anyways, this leads me here, sitting out on the front decking saying good morning to ever passer by that comes along, sipping my coffee and writing this. I feel like another coffee, so I think I’ll just leave this at where it is at the moment. Yum Cha ^-^
6:55pm
Ok so after I had my coffee and continued to just sit outside tanning like the white girl I am, my parents decide that they should finally go to the beach, I tell them I’d stay home, just because I was tired. About ten minutes after they left, I realised that this weekend away was way too short to just sit in the beach house all day, so I got redressed and took a walk down at Bells street. I walked up one way, and then down the other before walking across down to where the surf beach is. After walking along that I carry on up to where all the cliffs are and sit there for a while, just watching the surfers down further. I make my way back down to the surf beach before entering Front beach, where I sat and drank another coffee before making my way back to the house. My parents had read the note I left them and surprisingly, they weren’t that worried. I suppose everyone worries less when they’re down here! Around half an hour later, my temporary neighbour walks in with his friend, surf board in tow, into his rented out cottage. On their way back out, they stop to say hi, and invite me to Macca’s. That was the third group of people here to invite me there. I guess that’s the place these teenagers here hang around at. Which is weird, because there was a beach right there? After declining, knowing my parents would get pissy; I carry on checking updates through my dads mobile and then go inside. The family and I go around the corner to that ice cream store to get ice creams and myself a smoothie. To be honest, I cannot possibly be bothered carrying on in detail the events of the rest of the day, so long story short, me and my family went down to the beach, once again, I went for my usual walk around the beaches and the cliffs, I went back down to the beach, washed up and then ended up back out here on the front decking, writing this, drinking my coffee and eating my Doritos. Om Nom Nom! For the evening I think I shall go get another coffee, an ice cream and then watch the ocean for a bit, hopefully bump into the temporary neighbour again for a smoke. Ciao for Now!
10:27am
This morning I didn’t wake up at my usual time. I seem to wake up earlier near the beach, not just at Torquay, but in Robina, Runaway Bay, Surfer’s Paradise, Phillip Island. I suppose I'm just more of the beach person, I mean the rest of my family gauges my eyes out to try and get me up back at home, yet here, they fail to get out of bed before ten and I'm up at seven. So this morning I meet Trent, also known as “Trennybear” down at the beach to find him doing footy drills. Yes, that is normal behaviour for him. I love how he can find something football related anywhere he goes, me however, I'm still a lost child, I need to find what I love, I thought I found dancing, but I suppose I was wrong. Even though I love it to death, it will just have to leave me. We go for our morning swim, and after that we get up on the sand to find my mother waiting; I guess she loves the beach too, I can’t lie, she was the second one up this morning after all. As we dry off, a retriever pup and his owner come walking towards us, as expected it runs up to play. It’s funny how it can just stop to say hi to everyone and not be bothered about wether or not the person will hurt it. But of course I guess it can sense wether it is liked or not. After saying goodbye and getting my latte I come back home to find the lazy one on the couch, eating junk food at ten in the morning. It sickened me quite a bit to see that’s how we were at home. I have to admit though, I haven’t eaten a full Macca’s meal in a while, and I’m quite thrilled about that. So anyways, this leads me here, sitting out on the front decking saying good morning to ever passer by that comes along, sipping my coffee and writing this. I feel like another coffee, so I think I’ll just leave this at where it is at the moment. Yum Cha ^-^
6:55pm
Ok so after I had my coffee and continued to just sit outside tanning like the white girl I am, my parents decide that they should finally go to the beach, I tell them I’d stay home, just because I was tired. About ten minutes after they left, I realised that this weekend away was way too short to just sit in the beach house all day, so I got redressed and took a walk down at Bells street. I walked up one way, and then down the other before walking across down to where the surf beach is. After walking along that I carry on up to where all the cliffs are and sit there for a while, just watching the surfers down further. I make my way back down to the surf beach before entering Front beach, where I sat and drank another coffee before making my way back to the house. My parents had read the note I left them and surprisingly, they weren’t that worried. I suppose everyone worries less when they’re down here! Around half an hour later, my temporary neighbour walks in with his friend, surf board in tow, into his rented out cottage. On their way back out, they stop to say hi, and invite me to Macca’s. That was the third group of people here to invite me there. I guess that’s the place these teenagers here hang around at. Which is weird, because there was a beach right there? After declining, knowing my parents would get pissy; I carry on checking updates through my dads mobile and then go inside. The family and I go around the corner to that ice cream store to get ice creams and myself a smoothie. To be honest, I cannot possibly be bothered carrying on in detail the events of the rest of the day, so long story short, me and my family went down to the beach, once again, I went for my usual walk around the beaches and the cliffs, I went back down to the beach, washed up and then ended up back out here on the front decking, writing this, drinking my coffee and eating my Doritos. Om Nom Nom! For the evening I think I shall go get another coffee, an ice cream and then watch the ocean for a bit, hopefully bump into the temporary neighbour again for a smoke. Ciao for Now!
I’ll be here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there’s sunsets and silhouette dreams. All my sandcastles fall like the ashes of cigarettes and every wave drags me to sea. I could stand here for hours just to ask God the question, is everyone here make-believe. With a tear in his voice he said that’s the question, does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one, but me?
It will never be easy, but we work on it. I hate not being with you, or even within 5 km of you. If you were here, I’d be okay. But your not, and I’m not. And I miss you and the smell of your cigarettes and the sound of your laugh. I text you, but I don’t expect a reply from your credit-less number. For another night, I sleep to feel alone.
It will never be easy, but we work on it. I hate not being with you, or even within 5 km of you. If you were here, I’d be okay. But your not, and I’m not. And I miss you and the smell of your cigarettes and the sound of your laugh. I text you, but I don’t expect a reply from your credit-less number. For another night, I sleep to feel alone.
Second Day At Torquay; The Place I'd Rather Be.
11:46am
It was my first sleep here at the beach house, first morning waking up in Torquay. It was the first morning waking up to the salty water air. The first morning waking up next to the ocean. I wake up and bring dear darling mother out to get some air with a walk along the beach. As we walk along the shore with the water in my bare toes, I look around and take in the surroundings of this amazing place. When I'm at home, this is the place I want to go to get away from all the stress and problems of my home life. Here I'm not the same Ariana I am in Melbourne. Here I am the Ariana that is carefree, that has nothing to worry about. The Ariana who doesn’t find any problems even in the most complicated of situations, only the solution. Only the bright side of situations. This is my place to get away. This is my place where my happiness fully shows without the fear and succeeding of letting the sadness take over. As me and mother continue our walk along the beach, Trent, his brother Ben and friend Andy are down at the beach. After last night deciding to catch up that exact morning, I failed to check my phone for the contact from him saying they were there. Turns out they were waiting around for ages for me. As I walk up to them to greet them, the couples catch my eye again. This place is all couples. It frustrated me. After having a chat with the boys and introducing them to my mother, we decided to take off to get our lattes. Walking around with my mum, I notice that I should really spend more time with her. With dad always working and Bella and Niki too young to make actual adult conversation with her, she hardly has anyone. Her family live so far away, and her friends are always busy with work… Note to self; book to get nails done when back in Melbourne. As we walk into the café, we can’t help but to notice the friendly people and inviting atmosphere the area has. Everyone is laughing and joking around and carrying on like there is not a problem in the world. It was quite a lovely change to see smiles on everyone, and not downer moods. We grab the lattes and dads coffee and head down back to the beach house. I put on my shorts and head down to the beach after breakfast for a swim. We get there and find our spot on the sand and head for the water. After a short dip, I get out and walk along the water down to the rock pools. On my way there I oddly find an old man with a sort of pole pump thing. I then find out that he is catching prawns. It was a weird contraption, but it was fairly useful for his job. As I keep walking, a little blond boy manages to run into me on his way to the little pool of warm water down near the open ocean. As his bright blue eyes look up at me, he bursts into fits of laughter. It’s funny how a small child at the age of around three could brighten up my morning even more than my coffee could! More couples manage to cross my path and look at me whilst their fingers locked the way ours were not only a couple of days ago. I think the couples of Torquay are out to get me, just so I could miss you more, if that were even possible. After about an hour or so, I make my way back down to where my family’s’ belongings were held.
4:14pm
We then go back to the house to get clean and go shopping for the barbeque tonight, chicken, lamb, sausages and peri-peri sauce! Yes, I had to get something Nando’s even down at Torquay. We ate and then we planned to go around the corner to get ice cream for desert.
8:58pm
As we walked along the beach as a family, Ice cream in hand, I turn to look at the ocean. It seemed that when I got here, all my problems came with me and were thrown into it, just to be drifted out to the sea to sort out for me, or even better; to just simply forget about them all. As the little ones went off to the playground with mum and dad, I sat there, just to think about what it would be like to live up here. Even in the winter, it wouldn’t be that bad, just cold, but I would be able to get used to it, I am from Melbourne after all! I sit there, and just as I had a smile on my face, 7 couples manage to walk past me once again in a row. The world likes to throw it in my face even when I'm happy. I do suppose that I would be really fully pleasant if you were there right by my side. My happiness would truly be fulfilled then. As the hour went by, we went home and the first thing on my mind to do was to call Mitch, my baby boy.
11:29pm
I went outside to make my call, and got up on my usual spot on the fence, just overlooking the ocean and the view of the line of the joint café and restaurant, the ice cream shop and the units before our row of houses. My stomach did a flip as you answered your cell, thankful to hear your voice which I loved again. As our usual fight over who thought who was cuter, a couple sits down at the café. I know a lot of them usually do, but there was something different about this couple. He was tanned, not overly but slightly, had black medium length hair, wore knee length shorts and a singlet. She had brown, almost blond hair, was quite fair and wore denim shorts with a white oversized shirt tied up, bikinis underneath. They sat at the outside table smoking their ciggie with their drinks at the table, they were holding hands and after what I presume was after every sentence, or even at the middle of the unfinished statement, they would lock lips and not have a care of what was happening around them. To everyone else, they wouldn’t seem like such a different couple to everyone else in that café, or even on the street. But to me, it was like an image of the future, they reminded me of us. It was kind of scary, but great to watch how similar they were to me and you. It made me miss you more than ever. After complaining to you about all the couples I see and then going inside to finish my hour and a half long phone conversation with you, I tell you I love you and go sit with the family to watch tennis, like we do every time the Australian Open is on. I text Trent to make our morning plans for a swim and this is where I am now, sitting here on the dining table half watching the game, half writing this up. I plan to watch the rest of the match and then fall asleep, thinking about you in my sleep and looking forward to the later morning, as it is now 12:13am on the 25th of January. My lips haven’t touched your in two whole days. That sucks. Goodnight!
11:46am
It was my first sleep here at the beach house, first morning waking up in Torquay. It was the first morning waking up to the salty water air. The first morning waking up next to the ocean. I wake up and bring dear darling mother out to get some air with a walk along the beach. As we walk along the shore with the water in my bare toes, I look around and take in the surroundings of this amazing place. When I'm at home, this is the place I want to go to get away from all the stress and problems of my home life. Here I'm not the same Ariana I am in Melbourne. Here I am the Ariana that is carefree, that has nothing to worry about. The Ariana who doesn’t find any problems even in the most complicated of situations, only the solution. Only the bright side of situations. This is my place to get away. This is my place where my happiness fully shows without the fear and succeeding of letting the sadness take over. As me and mother continue our walk along the beach, Trent, his brother Ben and friend Andy are down at the beach. After last night deciding to catch up that exact morning, I failed to check my phone for the contact from him saying they were there. Turns out they were waiting around for ages for me. As I walk up to them to greet them, the couples catch my eye again. This place is all couples. It frustrated me. After having a chat with the boys and introducing them to my mother, we decided to take off to get our lattes. Walking around with my mum, I notice that I should really spend more time with her. With dad always working and Bella and Niki too young to make actual adult conversation with her, she hardly has anyone. Her family live so far away, and her friends are always busy with work… Note to self; book to get nails done when back in Melbourne. As we walk into the café, we can’t help but to notice the friendly people and inviting atmosphere the area has. Everyone is laughing and joking around and carrying on like there is not a problem in the world. It was quite a lovely change to see smiles on everyone, and not downer moods. We grab the lattes and dads coffee and head down back to the beach house. I put on my shorts and head down to the beach after breakfast for a swim. We get there and find our spot on the sand and head for the water. After a short dip, I get out and walk along the water down to the rock pools. On my way there I oddly find an old man with a sort of pole pump thing. I then find out that he is catching prawns. It was a weird contraption, but it was fairly useful for his job. As I keep walking, a little blond boy manages to run into me on his way to the little pool of warm water down near the open ocean. As his bright blue eyes look up at me, he bursts into fits of laughter. It’s funny how a small child at the age of around three could brighten up my morning even more than my coffee could! More couples manage to cross my path and look at me whilst their fingers locked the way ours were not only a couple of days ago. I think the couples of Torquay are out to get me, just so I could miss you more, if that were even possible. After about an hour or so, I make my way back down to where my family’s’ belongings were held.
4:14pm
We then go back to the house to get clean and go shopping for the barbeque tonight, chicken, lamb, sausages and peri-peri sauce! Yes, I had to get something Nando’s even down at Torquay. We ate and then we planned to go around the corner to get ice cream for desert.
8:58pm
As we walked along the beach as a family, Ice cream in hand, I turn to look at the ocean. It seemed that when I got here, all my problems came with me and were thrown into it, just to be drifted out to the sea to sort out for me, or even better; to just simply forget about them all. As the little ones went off to the playground with mum and dad, I sat there, just to think about what it would be like to live up here. Even in the winter, it wouldn’t be that bad, just cold, but I would be able to get used to it, I am from Melbourne after all! I sit there, and just as I had a smile on my face, 7 couples manage to walk past me once again in a row. The world likes to throw it in my face even when I'm happy. I do suppose that I would be really fully pleasant if you were there right by my side. My happiness would truly be fulfilled then. As the hour went by, we went home and the first thing on my mind to do was to call Mitch, my baby boy.
11:29pm
I went outside to make my call, and got up on my usual spot on the fence, just overlooking the ocean and the view of the line of the joint café and restaurant, the ice cream shop and the units before our row of houses. My stomach did a flip as you answered your cell, thankful to hear your voice which I loved again. As our usual fight over who thought who was cuter, a couple sits down at the café. I know a lot of them usually do, but there was something different about this couple. He was tanned, not overly but slightly, had black medium length hair, wore knee length shorts and a singlet. She had brown, almost blond hair, was quite fair and wore denim shorts with a white oversized shirt tied up, bikinis underneath. They sat at the outside table smoking their ciggie with their drinks at the table, they were holding hands and after what I presume was after every sentence, or even at the middle of the unfinished statement, they would lock lips and not have a care of what was happening around them. To everyone else, they wouldn’t seem like such a different couple to everyone else in that café, or even on the street. But to me, it was like an image of the future, they reminded me of us. It was kind of scary, but great to watch how similar they were to me and you. It made me miss you more than ever. After complaining to you about all the couples I see and then going inside to finish my hour and a half long phone conversation with you, I tell you I love you and go sit with the family to watch tennis, like we do every time the Australian Open is on. I text Trent to make our morning plans for a swim and this is where I am now, sitting here on the dining table half watching the game, half writing this up. I plan to watch the rest of the match and then fall asleep, thinking about you in my sleep and looking forward to the later morning, as it is now 12:13am on the 25th of January. My lips haven’t touched your in two whole days. That sucks. Goodnight!
First Day, At Torquay; The Place I'd Rather Be.
Well the trip was great, until we got into the car; already problems. Nothing could ever be quiet and peaceful in a wog family, but I couldn't get used to it being any other way. During the car trip down here, headphones blaring over ears, behind my aviators I could see a lot. The car window rolled down with the wind screaming at my face I took notice of the little things, like every cow would chew with their mouth going anti clockwise. Bit bizarre, but small things do amuse small minds. When we got there, it already felt like home, I would love to live here in the summer, it would be the best thing, I swear. As I stroll along the beach, I can't help to notice, first off, the amount of couples I see walk past me. I hate the fact that when you miss someone, everything reminds you of them. And then I notice the little children. As I maintain my stroll along the shore, I see a little blonde girl scared of the water. As she runs up to the water line, the wave rolls in, so she runs back towards her mother. As it goes back out, she runs to it but to her surprise it hits her on the legs, she laughs her baby laugh as her mum rolls the video camera. Obviously her first time at the beach. I realize how precious your childhood really is and to hold every moment you have, because in a short amount of time, it will fly by. Children really are amazing with the way they make you realize.
Well the trip was great, until we got into the car; already problems. Nothing could ever be quiet and peaceful in a wog family, but I couldn't get used to it being any other way. During the car trip down here, headphones blaring over ears, behind my aviators I could see a lot. The car window rolled down with the wind screaming at my face I took notice of the little things, like every cow would chew with their mouth going anti clockwise. Bit bizarre, but small things do amuse small minds. When we got there, it already felt like home, I would love to live here in the summer, it would be the best thing, I swear. As I stroll along the beach, I can't help to notice, first off, the amount of couples I see walk past me. I hate the fact that when you miss someone, everything reminds you of them. And then I notice the little children. As I maintain my stroll along the shore, I see a little blonde girl scared of the water. As she runs up to the water line, the wave rolls in, so she runs back towards her mother. As it goes back out, she runs to it but to her surprise it hits her on the legs, she laughs her baby laugh as her mum rolls the video camera. Obviously her first time at the beach. I realize how precious your childhood really is and to hold every moment you have, because in a short amount of time, it will fly by. Children really are amazing with the way they make you realize.
Oh Wow,
I was having that feeling again. You know that feeling when you want to shit half your stomach out and vomit the other half up at the same time while feeling like a cigarette and a carton of devondale long life milk? Hmm, yes. That would be lovely!
23rd of January,2010 1:00am
I smell him on my shirt *sadface*. Stupid playlist with your name on it. I’ve been sitting here for hours listening to it all alone and in the dark. I'm not attending Urban Force anymore, which is a depressive downfall. I'm not even kidding; it’s making me quite unhappy. All these situations I have been put in is making me uneasy and sick to my stomach. I am leaving this shithole for Torquay for a almost a week to clear my mind and walk along the long beaches, just so I can sort everything out I left here. Or maybe even just forget about it all. I just hope the rain can hold off for the days I remain there. Perhaps I could build a tan while I'm there… Memo; Buy Reef Oil!
I am hoping to meet up with dear Maddy while in Torquay and maybe even go up to Ocean Grove for the day to see Lil and Britta. If my parents don’t throw a hernia and say “Oh no, you may get raped while your there!” or something.
A few things I will miss for the short time will be:
Gertrude, I love them dearly.
PK’s awesome one way webcam conversations.
Internet.
Walks with my older brother Jason, since it’ll be warm while I'm gone -___-
But most of all, speaking to Mitch. Twill be hard not to make contact with him for four whole days.
I am hoping to meet up with dear Maddy while in Torquay and maybe even go up to Ocean Grove for the day to see Lil and Britta. If my parents don’t throw a hernia and say “Oh no, you may get raped while your there!” or something.
A few things I will miss for the short time will be:
Gertrude, I love them dearly.
PK’s awesome one way webcam conversations.
Internet.
Walks with my older brother Jason, since it’ll be warm while I'm gone -___-
But most of all, speaking to Mitch. Twill be hard not to make contact with him for four whole days.
Pk loves our awesome conversations(:
~arianalovesmitch~ says: lol, fuck. this one tastes like shit!
pk says: what one? ohh yum . YUM!
~arianalovesmitch~ says: tastes like my ass
pk says: :
~arianalovesmitch~ says: LOL, hypothetically speaking
pk says: hmm :
~arianalovesmitch~ says: haha! you would know :O:O
pk says: how wouuld i know :O
~arianalovesmitch~ says: idno. i just say things, but don't think them through :/
pk says: yeahh i just went down there one day, and thought i would give it a taste.
~arianalovesmitch~ says: yeahh,
pk says: and god it taste like cola tubs
~arianalovesmitch~ says: i always knew you bumraped me during the night D:!
pk says: ahhah
pk says: how could i taste it iif i bumraped you? idiot :)
~arianalovesmitch~ says: you licked it ><
~arianalovesmitch~ says: lol, fuck. this one tastes like shit!
pk says: what one? ohh yum . YUM!
~arianalovesmitch~ says: tastes like my ass
pk says: :
~arianalovesmitch~ says: LOL, hypothetically speaking
pk says: hmm :
~arianalovesmitch~ says: haha! you would know :O:O
pk says: how wouuld i know :O
~arianalovesmitch~ says: idno. i just say things, but don't think them through :/
pk says: yeahh i just went down there one day, and thought i would give it a taste.
~arianalovesmitch~ says: yeahh,
pk says: and god it taste like cola tubs
~arianalovesmitch~ says: i always knew you bumraped me during the night D:!
pk says: ahhah
pk says: how could i taste it iif i bumraped you? idiot :)
~arianalovesmitch~ says: you licked it ><
7:58pm
A change of weather, we're still together when it ends.
Even though we only had a couple of hours together, it was nice just to sit there with you. Just feeling your presence among me made me feel warmer than the weather, despite the fact you gave me goosebumps. I don't care what they say or do, I'm in love with you and nothing can change that.
2:19pm
If you haven’t noticed, I'm waiting for your call. I'm sitting here with dear mother. Watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians and drinking coffee with scones. This would be time greatly spent if I weren’t waiting.
22nd of January,2010 1:46am
Even if I hit my head so hard on my bed head that I’d forgotten how to read and even if a caterpillar chewed my arm off and even if my computer containing my life crashed and even if the sun exploded the moon into tiny rocks and came town to earth and caused a tsunami in the United States which made Asia have a monsoon which made Australia have a super massive hurricane which ruined our country and destroyed our state which left our city in pieces which killed my suburb, if I was with you, it would all be ok with me.
All I need to get by is knowing you truly love me and will never leave me. I have that reassurance now.
All I need to get by is knowing you truly love me and will never leave me. I have that reassurance now.
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