This year has brought me to become something I never thought I would be. I just don't see the preppy I was inside me. I don't see the little four year old girl who'd run to her daddy with a big smile on her face. All I see is something I hate. Yes, I admit, I hate myself. I hate the so called "young adult" I am. The teenage girl who couldn't give two fucks, yet is so self conscious of everything everyone could ever think of her. The teenage girl who can't be fucked with the work she does, yet is stressed over her marks. The Ariana that wants to listen to everything her parents tell her, yet just goes with the flow and doesn't really ay attention at that moment. If the things that have been done are so bad, why did I do it?
I don't understand how everything could change without me even realising it. Everything that occurs seems so minor at the time, although if you look at the bigger picture, have life long consequences. I look at my life now and see a sad and unhappy girl who has no idea what the hell is going on. One day I will look at the bigger picture and see my future, and smile. Because one day, I will be free. I will be happy.
The Anthropology of Ariana.
I'm not who you think I am because to be honest, you don't know who I am. How should you? I laugh when i'm not meant to, I cry when things get happy. I never know what to wear. I want it to be hot when it's cold, and cold when it's hot. I like being alone, yet when I am, I wish I wasn't. I realised not everything is worth dying for. Nothings what it seems and who you thought were, aren't. All I need is you, that's all I really know.