Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, “Janis, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re lesbian.” I mean I couldn’t have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she’s on crack.2:14am
Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: He probably misses his old glasses.
2:26am
Dear Future Me,First off, you better be driving either a kick ass camero or the A-team van. That’s priority numero uno. And by now your rattail should hang down to your frickin knees. You can still slam dunk, obviously, and you’ve legally changed your name to Vanilla Thunder. Your wife, let me break it down, blonde, 6 feet tall, has an awesome rack and caters to your every need.
You’re still rockin’ the stonewash overalls because this look is working. Oh, and most importantly, you better be saving the world. If you became some lame, corporate sell out, just throw yourself off a cliff because you suck. And I icky boom-boom down.
How I Met Your Mother.
2:32am
This is piss. Piss with ink.